Is accepting divorce culture a One way downward spiral for the society?
A particularly good lifecycle stages paper is here.
I liked the idea of "multiple marriages" with the same spouse ! - its like introducing newer products in technological life cycles.
Interesting report on 10 year marital quality can be checked out here . In summary, this report says that - the moment you are married - the perceived quality lowers in the first 4 years - then plateaus for next 3 years and then nosedives rapidly till year 10.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
...of Strategy and pre-nup....
Prof Lamar put pre-nup as an example for contracts in course of Strategic Corporate Management!
btw, the point is besides that - he also mentioned -
If all the couples had a pre-nup then it would save quite a bit of money for the economy and also, reduce burden on the judicial system.
This reminds me the case of a guy in AT&T who lost more than a 100k in trying to get custody of his kids from his ex-wife ! I had never seen him but all the interactions were over the phone. However, others who had worked with him closely (pun intended) told me that he took advantage of his good looks - hence, fidelity may have been one of the points for divorce by his spouse. She got married soon and this guy couldn't since he had 2 child supports and a 100k debt ! Later, his girlfriend had a kid and is not ready to get married and so, he pays for her kid too !
Coming back to strategy - I asked him a question (which a lady had expressed while having a similar discussion) - the lady partner says - "You dont trust me !" Well, professor didn't want to get into controversy but I knew what he wanted to say - "Given the current social system and the current stats of guys having only 15% chance of winning any divorce case, this is a good balancer"
Now, my take on this from Strategy and game theory perspective:
-Having a pre-nup forces the lady to work and pay less attention to family since the guy can leave her anytime and she might be left helpless if she kept on handling the family and the guy kept on building his career.
- However, if there's no pre-nup the lady is incentivized to misbehave since she would get both allimony (till the time she gets a job or gets married again) and child support (along with the kid). There is no incentive for him not to leave atleast on financial terms.
If there's no pre-nup then he would fear the consequences of divorce (allimony, child support) and hence, behave.
I have simply presented two specific possibilities and they indicate that pre-nups are a must and the lady must also build her career (if she doesn't trust her guy). Developed world has its own set of problems and this is one of them.
The fact remains that divorces have high costs unless they are mutual and silent. The lawyers make a huge chunk of money out of these cases. Also, you would then say - in a relation as sacred as marriage - when do you say - enough is enough? - I would say "Never" [assuming ur original choice was good]
btw, the point is besides that - he also mentioned -
If all the couples had a pre-nup then it would save quite a bit of money for the economy and also, reduce burden on the judicial system.
This reminds me the case of a guy in AT&T who lost more than a 100k in trying to get custody of his kids from his ex-wife ! I had never seen him but all the interactions were over the phone. However, others who had worked with him closely (pun intended) told me that he took advantage of his good looks - hence, fidelity may have been one of the points for divorce by his spouse. She got married soon and this guy couldn't since he had 2 child supports and a 100k debt ! Later, his girlfriend had a kid and is not ready to get married and so, he pays for her kid too !
Coming back to strategy - I asked him a question (which a lady had expressed while having a similar discussion) - the lady partner says - "You dont trust me !" Well, professor didn't want to get into controversy but I knew what he wanted to say - "Given the current social system and the current stats of guys having only 15% chance of winning any divorce case, this is a good balancer"
Now, my take on this from Strategy and game theory perspective:
-Having a pre-nup forces the lady to work and pay less attention to family since the guy can leave her anytime and she might be left helpless if she kept on handling the family and the guy kept on building his career.
- However, if there's no pre-nup the lady is incentivized to misbehave since she would get both allimony (till the time she gets a job or gets married again) and child support (along with the kid). There is no incentive for him not to leave atleast on financial terms.
If there's no pre-nup then he would fear the consequences of divorce (allimony, child support) and hence, behave.
I have simply presented two specific possibilities and they indicate that pre-nups are a must and the lady must also build her career (if she doesn't trust her guy). Developed world has its own set of problems and this is one of them.
The fact remains that divorces have high costs unless they are mutual and silent. The lawyers make a huge chunk of money out of these cases. Also, you would then say - in a relation as sacred as marriage - when do you say - enough is enough? - I would say "Never" [assuming ur original choice was good]
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
...blogging almost after a week
This blog deals with the degree of change in lifestyle in this mini vis-a-vis last mini.
The theme for the current mini is Collaboration - quite a few group projects - for assignments, projects, etc. Reminds me of my Project Management days !
I have been sleeping late - at midnight or later instead of regular 10:30 pm.
Also, I haven't been getting up early.
Am I tired ?
Am I burnt ?
Have I lost interest ?
However, for my personal goal achievement - should it matter ?
I have to spring back - back in action, more organized than I am right now.
I should not let a couple of deadbeat project-mates kill my enthusiasm (- its one of the tenets in "The 8th Habit"). ...The Show must Go On..~!
Last weekend was good on the perspective that I finally talked with a friend I could resonate with !... we talked and talked..... for 2 hours. Intelligent and thinking entity - she is so much enthused with the Indian culture that she has researched on it to an extent that she knows more about Bhangra than I do. She seems to be a voracious reader.
Synchronous to this, I met someone on Sat evening (friend's friend) - right at the time we greeted each other, I felt this wont work and it didn't ! I was trying at every moment to almost end the meeting - probably would not meet again.
The theme for the current mini is Collaboration - quite a few group projects - for assignments, projects, etc. Reminds me of my Project Management days !
I have been sleeping late - at midnight or later instead of regular 10:30 pm.
Also, I haven't been getting up early.
Am I tired ?
Am I burnt ?
Have I lost interest ?
However, for my personal goal achievement - should it matter ?
I have to spring back - back in action, more organized than I am right now.
I should not let a couple of deadbeat project-mates kill my enthusiasm (- its one of the tenets in "The 8th Habit"). ...The Show must Go On..~!
Last weekend was good on the perspective that I finally talked with a friend I could resonate with !... we talked and talked..... for 2 hours. Intelligent and thinking entity - she is so much enthused with the Indian culture that she has researched on it to an extent that she knows more about Bhangra than I do. She seems to be a voracious reader.
Synchronous to this, I met someone on Sat evening (friend's friend) - right at the time we greeted each other, I felt this wont work and it didn't ! I was trying at every moment to almost end the meeting - probably would not meet again.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
86,900
Yeah - that's the score I hit on Pac-Man !
I've made it to 67k a couple of times - but never to 86,900 - Level 09 and banana as the fruit - wow - what a game !
I've made it to 67k a couple of times - but never to 86,900 - Level 09 and banana as the fruit - wow - what a game !
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Book: Everything I wanted to know about men, I learnt from my dog
Well, a very verbose title - but catchy and effective.
The author wrote Sex and the City too.
I read the book Blink at the Starbucks on Murray Ave till the time the person I was waiting for could turn up on Friday evening. She was an hour late - but that's fine - since I was reading a book anyways. By the time she came, I had alaready read about 49 pages of the book.
Blink was recommended by Prof Chris Labach, Professional speaking faculty for MISM. Blink had a few good examples such as the statue-authencity and Gottman's ability to predict the strength of marriage for a couple from their interactions. By the time the first piece of readin got over - there she cometh. I went to keep the book back on the shelf while she was browsing through a few cookbooks (she cooks exotic dishes !). Well, by the way, she said, look at this title ! Everything I wanted to know about men, I learnt from my dog- I read the name of the author - Staples, "Sex and the City", I replied. She said - Lets read this.
At the back of my mind, I was processing, what does she mean by "Let us" - this is a book to be read by women without men in their vicinity ! Anyways, we took 2 copies and in one hour - we were both done with it.
The author draws interesting parallels between dogs and men - some meaningful and some ridiculous. Also, socio-cultural background plays a role. That reminded me of Neha - she had once told me that her mom-in-law had explained to her how all men are dogs. I could now understand why she might've said that. Overall- hilarious, insightful, witty, and wise.
The author wrote Sex and the City too.
I read the book Blink at the Starbucks on Murray Ave till the time the person I was waiting for could turn up on Friday evening. She was an hour late - but that's fine - since I was reading a book anyways. By the time she came, I had alaready read about 49 pages of the book.
Blink was recommended by Prof Chris Labach, Professional speaking faculty for MISM. Blink had a few good examples such as the statue-authencity and Gottman's ability to predict the strength of marriage for a couple from their interactions. By the time the first piece of readin got over - there she cometh. I went to keep the book back on the shelf while she was browsing through a few cookbooks (she cooks exotic dishes !). Well, by the way, she said, look at this title ! Everything I wanted to know about men, I learnt from my dog- I read the name of the author - Staples, "Sex and the City", I replied. She said - Lets read this.
At the back of my mind, I was processing, what does she mean by "Let us" - this is a book to be read by women without men in their vicinity ! Anyways, we took 2 copies and in one hour - we were both done with it.
The author draws interesting parallels between dogs and men - some meaningful and some ridiculous. Also, socio-cultural background plays a role. That reminded me of Neha - she had once told me that her mom-in-law had explained to her how all men are dogs. I could now understand why she might've said that. Overall- hilarious, insightful, witty, and wise.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Fanatics strike again ...
The western suburbs of Mumbai, India - were hit by a series of 8 bomb blasts that unleashed panic and chaos. The same railway line which I travelled for 8 years - one after the other - stations were blasted.
Death toll is 170 and counting.
I would reserve my comments since I am emotion-laden at this stage.
Death toll is 170 and counting.
I would reserve my comments since I am emotion-laden at this stage.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Women on top ...
Myself and my neighbour were discussing on this topic just last night. [He is a Jew and was grilling steak and hotdogs along with another friend.] - Gurls are evidently beating the guys in the western world !
Today, the same is in the NY Times here.
At college, women are leaving men in dust !
That's exactly what the title reads.
So, are western women more sensible than the guys ?
It is arguable - my professor for Emotional Intelligence and Leadership - Ms. Smith - indicates that women have comparative advantage in certain facets due to the way they are wired genetically and evolutionarily.
Well, from personal experience I have found that women have many a times outshone guys on the academic front.
So, now, the question is - then why are there lesser ladies in engineering schools in India ? Take IITs for example - you would barely see a female there.
First, the answer lies in what Ms. Smith taught once - men use one side of brain intensely than flip-floping whereas ladies flip-flop between the right and the left brain. If a guy is using right then he would keep on using the right side and if the left then he would keep on using the left.
Second, Indian girls are at a disadvantage due to the parents discouraging them from entering such competitions. A few exceptional cases would always argue with me but I am speaking for the majority of Indian females.
Would this trend repeat in India ? Well, once India becomes a developed economy - it may have a similar trend. One can hypothesize a scenario in which more number of ladies take up advanced education and constantly outperform their male peers. It has started happening in software services firms like Infosys already !
For example, an ex-roomie married a girl of his batch- the girl was going to be promoted before him - wow ! She has a higher pay than him already. :) Not that I want to rub in to him but yes, he too made some sacrifices for her and she cannot take complete credit for the same.
Well, I would not like to predict ....and hence, lets watch what happens.
Hail - the gurl power !
Today, the same is in the NY Times here.
At college, women are leaving men in dust !
That's exactly what the title reads.
So, are western women more sensible than the guys ?
It is arguable - my professor for Emotional Intelligence and Leadership - Ms. Smith - indicates that women have comparative advantage in certain facets due to the way they are wired genetically and evolutionarily.
Well, from personal experience I have found that women have many a times outshone guys on the academic front.
So, now, the question is - then why are there lesser ladies in engineering schools in India ? Take IITs for example - you would barely see a female there.
First, the answer lies in what Ms. Smith taught once - men use one side of brain intensely than flip-floping whereas ladies flip-flop between the right and the left brain. If a guy is using right then he would keep on using the right side and if the left then he would keep on using the left.
Second, Indian girls are at a disadvantage due to the parents discouraging them from entering such competitions. A few exceptional cases would always argue with me but I am speaking for the majority of Indian females.
Would this trend repeat in India ? Well, once India becomes a developed economy - it may have a similar trend. One can hypothesize a scenario in which more number of ladies take up advanced education and constantly outperform their male peers. It has started happening in software services firms like Infosys already !
For example, an ex-roomie married a girl of his batch- the girl was going to be promoted before him - wow ! She has a higher pay than him already. :) Not that I want to rub in to him but yes, he too made some sacrifices for her and she cannot take complete credit for the same.
Well, I would not like to predict ....and hence, lets watch what happens.
Hail - the gurl power !
Friday, July 07, 2006
random thoughts ....!
Floating in the vacuum...
Searching in the void...
Living in the present,
With emotions devoid.
I dont remember the past
I've forgotten its demise.
I dont worry about the future
I'm not waiting for any surprise.
Taking one moment at a time,
I'm living in the present.
I'm searching for something unknown,
In the hollow of each moment.
I'm just sailing with the time
Counting hours, couting days.
I am unable to comprehend
Destiny's baleful ways.
Searching in the void...
Living in the present,
With emotions devoid.
I dont remember the past
I've forgotten its demise.
I dont worry about the future
I'm not waiting for any surprise.
Taking one moment at a time,
I'm living in the present.
I'm searching for something unknown,
In the hollow of each moment.
I'm just sailing with the time
Counting hours, couting days.
I am unable to comprehend
Destiny's baleful ways.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
What does a woman want ?
The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
missing Bee
Since Friday, when I was done with my mini 1 - I had been missing my best buddy Bee.
Almost everything reminds me of her - coffee, water, lunches, the place where I live now, the lawn, her guidance, her anger, her sensible nature , head-in-the-lap moments, and almost everything.
Bee, if you are reading this blog - this one's devoted to you.
Almost everything reminds me of her - coffee, water, lunches, the place where I live now, the lawn, her guidance, her anger, her sensible nature , head-in-the-lap moments, and almost everything.
Bee, if you are reading this blog - this one's devoted to you.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
Eden got married !
btw, Eden got married over the long weekend.
35, divorced, celibate since Apr 2004..I think of it as some sort of fasting for pleasing her gods. Finally, she got married. The guy is someone who she met online and continued in real life. Both are intelligent. She is a tech manager.
Quite a few of her things resemble to those of someone I know of closely and had been thinking about over the weekend. I wish it comes true for her...that she gets married !
I would be so happy for her.
35, divorced, celibate since Apr 2004..I think of it as some sort of fasting for pleasing her gods. Finally, she got married. The guy is someone who she met online and continued in real life. Both are intelligent. She is a tech manager.
Quite a few of her things resemble to those of someone I know of closely and had been thinking about over the weekend. I wish it comes true for her...that she gets married !
I would be so happy for her.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Depressing Saturday !
An absolutely morose climate around....
I was too tired. also, called home and quite a few friends to catchup....
I was so down today !
I was too tired. also, called home and quite a few friends to catchup....
I was so down today !
Friday, June 02, 2006
I can't make you love me....
An old acquaintance called me up in the morning....surprise, surprise !
After hours of talk, suddenly, she started singing the George Michael song...
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me
'Cause I can't make you love me If you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't
I'll close my eyes and then I won't see
The love you do not feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
And I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
And here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't
Ain't no use in you trying
It's no good for me baby without love
All my tears, all these years, everything I believed in
Baby
Oh yeah
Someone's gonna love me
....and I was touched. Touched - because of what she had to offer - love ?!
I was however, too focussed on my studies at this moment....doing my Fin Stmt Analysis assignment. She asked me to visit this Dec ...well, and I had to decline. Not that I meant to be rude to her but because of my current status in this country. I am on H1 transferring to F1. If I get out of this country, I would have to get passport stamped.
Anyways, there was a huge geographical incompatibility in anything about this relationship. It cannot exist. Moreover, we had met just half a dozen times. I always saw that in her eyes and in her communication. However, it never crossed my mind that it would be something beyond that.
I was vulnerable when she sang it....since I am single, 24, away from family for more than 17 months now and not seeing anyone these days due to study committments. However, key learnings and experience teaches me that I need to be far more discreet and rational. This nature of relationship had no future and though it would keep occupied (waste time on GTalk! and raise my Reliance India phone bills for both of us) it didn't make sense to continue.
Moreover, if she goes one step ahead and becomes a little bit more outgoing, she would get a thousand gentlemen who would be a better fit. I failed to understand this coming up after such a long time... !
After hours of talk, suddenly, she started singing the George Michael song...
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me
'Cause I can't make you love me If you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't
I'll close my eyes and then I won't see
The love you do not feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
And I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
And here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't
Ain't no use in you trying
It's no good for me baby without love
All my tears, all these years, everything I believed in
Baby
Oh yeah
Someone's gonna love me
....and I was touched. Touched - because of what she had to offer - love ?!
I was however, too focussed on my studies at this moment....doing my Fin Stmt Analysis assignment. She asked me to visit this Dec ...well, and I had to decline. Not that I meant to be rude to her but because of my current status in this country. I am on H1 transferring to F1. If I get out of this country, I would have to get passport stamped.
Anyways, there was a huge geographical incompatibility in anything about this relationship. It cannot exist. Moreover, we had met just half a dozen times. I always saw that in her eyes and in her communication. However, it never crossed my mind that it would be something beyond that.
I was vulnerable when she sang it....since I am single, 24, away from family for more than 17 months now and not seeing anyone these days due to study committments. However, key learnings and experience teaches me that I need to be far more discreet and rational. This nature of relationship had no future and though it would keep occupied (waste time on GTalk! and raise my Reliance India phone bills for both of us) it didn't make sense to continue.
Moreover, if she goes one step ahead and becomes a little bit more outgoing, she would get a thousand gentlemen who would be a better fit. I failed to understand this coming up after such a long time... !
Thursday, June 01, 2006
GRITS (Girls Raised in the South)
Well, while at Barnes and Noble doing my reading assignment for the Conflict Resolution class, I wanted a change in the reading material.
I came across this book:
The GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) Guide to Life
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0525947264/002-2393374-3770462?v=glance&n=283155
Awesome book !
Structure, presentation, illustrations, etc everything was well in place.
Deborah Ford has done a good job with the pen.
I read it in 85 minutes flat :)
I came across this book:
The GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) Guide to Life
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0525947264/002-2393374-3770462?v=glance&n=283155
Awesome book !
Structure, presentation, illustrations, etc everything was well in place.
Deborah Ford has done a good job with the pen.
I read it in 85 minutes flat :)
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The Southern Girl
The fairest thing on land or sea
Is the Southern girl, to me.
You should see her when the stars
Come studding all the sky;
And feel her beaming eye
On you when the moon is full –
Fairest of all that’s fair is she,
The Southern girl, to me.
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